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‘Men Are Not Brave’: Tebogo Thobejane on Love, Fear, and Healing After the Shooting
A Life Changed in an Instant
It was meant to be an ordinary night, but in October 2023, actress and entrepreneur Tebogo Thobejane’s world shifted forever. While driving along Johannesburg’s N1 highway, she and a friend were ambushed in a shocking shooting. Tebogo was hit in the foot, while her friend suffered a spinal injury.
Her ex-boyfriend, Vusimuzi ‘Cat’ Matlala, was later charged with attempted murder and money laundering in connection with the attack, a case still making its way through court.
Since then, Tebogo’s once-glamorous public life has been shadowed by trauma, fear, and recovery. And now, she says, it’s changed the way people see her, especially men.
“Men Are Not Brave”
In a heartfelt Instagram Live session shared in early November, Tebogo got candid about how dating has become complicated since the shooting.
“Men are not brave,” she said bluntly, explaining that potential partners seem to shy away when her name comes up. “They’re afraid of my story,” she added. “Some men have told me straight, they don’t want the drama that comes with me.”
Once known for her confidence and openness, Tebogo now says she often feels unseen. “There used to be a time when I didn’t have to question if someone liked me,” she admitted. “Now, people see the headlines before they see me.”
The Emotional Fallout
For Tebogo, this isn’t just about relationships; it’s about rebuilding a sense of self after violence. She’s spoken openly about how her confidence has wavered, how even ordinary interactions feel heavier, and how survival can carry its own kind of isolation.
Social media reactions were mixed. Many South Africans praised her vulnerability, saying her honesty shed light on the emotional cost of surviving trauma. Others accused her of “playing the victim.” But beneath the noise lies a difficult truth: surviving violence often means confronting loneliness long after the danger is over.
Tebogo Thobejane says men are now afraid to date her, allegedly fearing they could be shot by her ex-boyfriend, Vusimuzi “Cat” Matlala. pic.twitter.com/3t9KjWHR2d
MDN NEWS (@MDNnewss) November 2, 2025
Beyond Headlines: A Woman Rebuilding
In 2025, Tebogo channelled her experience into something bigger. She founded the Botlhale Foundation, an organisation that supports survivors of gender-based violence and online abuse. She has described it as “finding purpose in my pain.”
Her journey mirrors that of many South African women, navigating fame, fear, and resilience in a country where gender-based violence remains deeply entrenched. According to her, speaking up about love after trauma isn’t for sympathy; it’s to remind people that recovery doesn’t end when the wounds close.
Men tryna dodge her pic.twitter.com/ygPSg7a28z
Sensei 🇿🇦 (@MajorrSA) November 2, 2025
Rewriting the Rules of Dating
Tebogo’s honesty highlights an uncomfortable but real shift: for survivors, dating becomes less about attraction and more about safety. Partners may hesitate, unsure of how to approach someone who has lived through violence. Survivors, too, must learn to trust again, to believe that love doesn’t always come with risk.
It’s a conversation rarely had in public, especially by women in the spotlight. By bringing it forward, Tebogo reframes what it means to heal.
I Come In Peace 🖖🏽👽 (@Cquence87) November 2, 2025
A New Chapter Ahead
As the case against Matlala moves closer to judgment, Tebogo’s focus seems clear: healing, advocacy, and hope. Her foundation’s work continues, and her message to other survivors remains strong: that strength can coexist with vulnerability and that no one should have to apologise for surviving.
For the rest of us, her story asks something simple yet profound: when someone has fought for their life, how do we help them feel safe enough to love again?
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Source: Bona Magazine
Featured Image: Instagram/@brieflynews
