A difficult truth: Why suicide continues to challenge understanding

When a well-known public figure dies by suicide, it often leaves the country searching for answers that may never fully come. That’s exactly what happened after the death of entertainer Ian von Memerty, whose passing has reignited conversations across South Africa about mental health, ageing, and the quiet struggles many people carry.

Suicide remains one of the most perplexing aspects of human behaviour. Our most basic instinct is survival. Yet every year, thousands of people reach a point where living feels heavier than leaving.

In South Africa alone, the numbers tell a troubling story.

A conversation sparked by a public life

Von Memerty, who was 61, had openly spoken about his fears surrounding ageing and dependency. In the months leading up to his death, he posted reflections on social media where he discussed his thoughts about what he called “self-deliverance”.

His posts were philosophical and often deeply personal. For many readers, they felt unsettling but also painfully honest. After news of his death spread, South Africans took to social media to debate the difficult subject of suicide, with reactions ranging from empathy and heartbreak to confusion about how someone seemingly thoughtful and articulate could reach such a decision.

Some users expressed sadness that someone so open about his fears still felt alone in them. Others pointed to the broader pressures many South Africans facefrom financial uncertainty to health worriesas reminders that mental struggles often hide behind public success.

His death has once again put the spotlight on a topic many people still struggle to discuss openly.

A silent crisis in South Africa

According to the World Health Organization, more than 720,000 people die by suicide globally each year, making it one of the leading causes of death worldwide. Among young people aged 15 to 29, it ranks as the third leading cause.

Africa carries a particularly heavy burden. The continent records the highest suicide rates globally, and South Africa is among the countries most affected.

With an estimated 23.5 deaths per 100,000 people, the country’s suicide rate places it near the top of the continent’s statistics.

Behind those numbers are thousands of storieseach one different, each one difficult to untangle.

Why there is rarely a single answer

Psychologist and medical doctor Jonathan Redelinghuys says people often search for a simple explanation when someone dies by suicide.

But the reality is rarely straightforward.

Life changes can trigger deep emotional distress. Losing a loved one, the breakdown of a relationship, academic pressure, or even moving to a new environment can lead to feelings of isolation and despair.

Many individuals experiencing suicidal thoughts report a mix of hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness. They may feel their problems are impossible to solve or believe that nobody cares.

Depression is one of the leading contributors to suicide, but its relationship with suicidal thinking is complicated.

According to Redelinghuys, suicidal thoughts can be a symptom of depressionbut they can also appear without it. Likewise, someone living with depression may not necessarily experience suicidal ideation.

This complexity is one reason suicide remains so difficult to fully understand.

When triggers appear suddenly

In some situations, suicidal thoughts can arise very quickly.

Substance abuse, for example, can increase impulsive behaviour and reduce a person’s ability to manage overwhelming emotions. Alcohol or drugs can make someone more likely to act on thoughts they might otherwise resist.

Major life shocks can also trigger sudden crises.

Receiving a serious medical diagnosis such as cancer, or facing severe legal consequences, can create a sudden sense of hopelessness. People in extreme circumstancessuch as trial-awaiting prisoners confronted with the possibility of lengthy sentencesmay experience suicidal thoughts almost immediately after the news.

These moments show how suicide often sits at the intersection of emotional pain, circumstance and perception.

The mind’s opposing forces

Psychological theories have long explored the tension between the human drive to live and destructive impulses.

The Austrian neurologist Sigmund Freud described this duality as two opposing forces: the life drive, often called libido, and the death drive, known as Thanatos.

According to this idea, destructive impulses can sometimes turn inward. When that happens, they may manifest as depression or self-destructive behaviour.

For someone considering suicide, the mental equation can become painfully distorted. The emotional pain of continuing to live may feel greater than the pain they believe their absence will cause.

Many even convince themselves that loved ones would be better off without theman assumption that tragically overlooks the lasting grief families endure.

The hidden impact on those left behind

When a person dies by suicide, the story does not end there.

Families and friendsoften referred to as “suicide survivors”frequently struggle with intense guilt, unanswered questions and lingering shock. Parents who lose children to suicide often describe overwhelming feelings of responsibility and shame.

The stigma surrounding suicide can make this grief even heavier. Some families feel unable to speak openly about what happened, which can deepen isolation during an already devastating time.

As a result, mental health advocates say open conversations about suicide are crucialnot only to support those in distress but also to help families cope with loss.

Recognising the warning signs

Experts say early intervention can save lives.

Some warning signs include:

• Talking about feeling hopeless or like a burden

• Withdrawing from friends and family

• Giving away personal possessions

• Increased alcohol or drug use

• Sudden mood changes

• Persistent sadness or loss of motivation

Seeking professional help through counselling, therapy or medication can make a significant difference if support arrives early enough.

A conversation South Africa cannot ignore

Despite growing awareness, mental health support remains uneven across South Africa. Many communities still lack easy access to psychological services, and stigma continues to prevent people from seeking help.

Yet public conversations are slowly changing. Each high-profile tragedysuch as von Memerty’s deathreminds the country that suicide is not simply an individual issue but a social one.

Understanding it requires empathy, openness and ongoing attention.

Because behind every statistic is a lifeand a story that deserved more support.

Help is available

If you or someone you know may be struggling, support is available through the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG).

South Africa records an estimated 23 suicides a day and around 230 serious attempts daily, highlighting the importance of reaching out early.

SADAG helplines:

• 0800 21 22 23 (8am – 8pm)

• 0800 12 13 14 (8pm – 8am)

• SMS 31393

Trained counsellors can provide immediate support and connect people with local counsellors, facilities and support groups.

Sometimes, the most important step is simply starting a conversation.