Trapped by money: how financial abuse keeps women in harmful relationships

Financial abuse is a widespread, often hidden form of control that can keep women trapped in abusive relationships, affecting more than half of women in such situations and cutting across income levels, industry experts say.

How financial control works

Rynhardt de Lange, director and head of legal at Milaw Legal, said financial abuse affects more than 50% of women in abusive relationships and is not limited by earnings.

“Even women who can financially support themselves often face coercive control and manipulation from their partners, leaving them trapped in abusive relationships,” De Lange said.

Rene Moonsamy, director at National Debt Counsellors, described a range of behaviours that can constitute financial abuse: controlling access to money, withholding financial information, pressuring a partner to take out credit, using their accounts or income for another person’s benefit, or leaving them responsible for debt incurred during a relationship.

Common signs and tactics

South African law firm Simon Dippenaar & Associates lists examples that extend beyond simple denial of cash: preventing a partner from working, causing them to lose their job, controlling financial assets, imposing an allowance or withholding funds, preventing access to a bank account or credit card, demanding bank statements and receipts, and damaging a partner’s credit score.

Moonsamy identified a key warning sign: when one partner no longer has meaningful control over their own finances. He advised:

“Consumers should understand every credit agreement they sign, retain access to their own banking and credit information, and seek advice early where debt has become unaffordable or financial control is being used as a means of dependence,” said Moonsamy.

How abuse appears to financial services

Nedbank noted that the effects of financial abuse can resemble poor financial behaviour, complicating detection in financial services. David Crewe-Brown, Nedbank’s chief risk officer, said someone experiencing coercive control might suddenly miss repayments, accumulate debt they never chose to incur or have an irregular income because they had been prevented from working.

“To a traditional risk model, those behaviours may simply appear as indicators of higher credit risk, but they may actually be indicators of financial abuse. That’s an important distinction. One reflects financial decision-making, the other reflects financial control,” said Crewe-Brown.

After the relationship ends

Oppermans Inc warned that economic abuse can continue after a relationship has ended, using money including child support as a means of ongoing control. The firm estimated that economic abuse is present in at least 95% of cases where other forms of abuse are being committed.

Oppermans Inc said the consequences can persist long after separation, with survivors sometimes left without funds for basic needs or burdened with substantial debts accumulated by partners, affecting creditworthiness and long-term financial stability. The firm also noted economic abuse can include restricting access to transport and technology needed to work and remain connected.

Framing financial freedom and the path forward

Nedbank group chief marketing officer Freedom Khensani Nobanda framed financial freedom as more than product access:

“Financial freedom is agency. It’s waking up every day knowing that you, not somebody else, control your financial decisions,” she said.

Mara Glennie, founder of the TEARS Foundation, pointed to financial dependence as one of several factors that can keep a person trapped, alongside poverty, isolation, poor transport, digital surveillance and lack of local services. She called for survivor-centred support, saying:

“The work begins with survivors and communities,” Glennie said. “Survivors must be heard, protected and connected to real support… South Africa does not need another Women’s Month that ends with applause while the system stays the same.”

Practical reminders

• Understand every credit agreement before signing.
• Retain access to personal banking and credit information.
• Seek early advice if debt becomes unaffordable or financial control is suspected.