How to tell if your boss is demanding or a workplace bully

Workplace bullying can be difficult to spot because tough managers often set high standards. But distinguishing a demanding boss from someone who is systematically targeting an employee is vital, says governance and risk professional Kovini Moodley of Boss Brains South Africa.

Where the line is drawn

Moodley told The Citizen the key difference is not the intensity of criticism but its direction and pattern. “The line is not intensity,” she said, adding that the real distinction is whether criticism is aimed at the work or at the person.

“A demanding manager attacks the work; a bully attacks the worker and demeans them through the process.”

She said demanding managers might reject an employee’s analysis, explain where it failed and state what needs to be corrected and by when. By contrast, bullying involves comments that undermine the person for example, telling someone “you are not good enough for this role” or focusing on trivial mistakes in a way that can later be framed as mere feedback.

Legal context and reporting

The article notes that workplace bullying gained greater legal recognition in South Africa after the Code of Good Practice on the Prevention and Elimination of Harassment in the World of Work was published in March 2022. Moodley warned employers that a rise in reports does not necessarily mean culture is deteriorating; instead, increasing reports can indicate that employees feel safer to speak up.

“Reporting is slowly rising, and boards need to be aware that a rise in reports is not evidence that an organisation is getting worse; it is usually the first sign of evidence that it is getting safer,”

The three tests to spot targeting

Moodley shared three practical tests she uses when mentoring employees who suspect they are being targeted.

• Equal standards: Check whether the same standards apply to everyone. “A standard that arrives with your name on it is not a standard. It is a targeting mechanism,” she said.
• Behavioural consistency: Observe whether conduct changes when others are present. She said demanding managers are consistent publicly and privately, while bullying often happens where there is no record in corridors, during quick calls, or on the drive to the airport.
• After-effects of interactions: Consider what remains after a difficult conversation. Constructive criticism should leave an employee with clear actions to fix; bullying leaves confusion and a sense of simply being wrong.

Other warning signs

Moodley listed additional patterns that can suggest bullying rather than legitimate management, including:

• Constantly moving performance targets.
• Deliberately flooding or starving someone of work.
• Removing an employee from meetings or distribution lists they previously attended.
• Seeing an employee’s ideas later presented and praised when voiced by someone else.
• Performance concerns emerging suddenly after an employee asserted a boundary or complained.

She advised that bullying should not be judged on a single unpleasant encounter or an isolated disagreement: repeated behaviour is the hallmark to watch and to record as evidence.

Closing note

Moodley cautioned that demanding management is not the opposite of decent leadership and that some managers who are hard on the work can improve professional skills. The crucial question, she said, is whether criticism targets output or the person and whether a pattern of behaviour points to targeting rather than performance management.